Here It Is

So I’ve decided to start documenting my single life in a real way…there has to be SOMETHING good that can come of it, and perhaps sharing it will be just that.

Here it is. My name is Shannon, and I’m 27 years old. Now that doesn’t necessarily sound that old not to be married, but we’re talking about the girl who had her wedding planed by middle school (and, by the way, very little has changed in my mind since then). I always figured I would be married by 25 at the latest! Needless to say I broke down in tears at least 3 times on my 25th birthday. I was on a ministry trip at the time and was given the night off for some retail therapy…

I was always one of those girls who wanted to do the right thing – maybe it’s a first-born thing or maybe it’s just that God gave me a really sensitive conscience, either way I decided I wasn’t going to date in high school. It seemed like a fantastic way to get hurt not to mention completely stupid. I mean the whole point of dating is to find the person you’re going to marry, and I don’t know about you, but I was smart enough to realize no one in their right mind gets married in high school.

I grew up in a Christian home, but it was not one of those legalistic settings where my mom wouldn’t let us listen to secular music, date, etc. However, that conscience of mine was another matter. I had read several of those popular books about not dating and even the extremes of not kissing until marriage (let alone any other kind of physical intimacy) and I was totally there. I was hard core. I laugh about it now. I remember telling my Aunt Laurie that I wasn’t going to kiss my husband until our wedding day; she told me (much to my chagrin) that I would probably change my mind as I got older. Hell yes I’ve changed my mind! However, at the time I was infuriated at her suggesting that. I allowed that maybe I would just wait until I was engaged, but that was it!

After graduating I did a 1-year discipleship program up in Washington state, and one of the requirements was that you didn’t date for the year. This was really no problem for me as I hadn’t started dating anyway. When that year was over I moved back home and within 6 months was head-over-heels for a guy that moved there to attend the Air Force Academy. We’ll call him Norman. Keeping in mind that I was still young – a tender 19 – I still was holding on to my no kissing till engagement conviction. Combine that with the fact we were both on staff with the youth ministry at church, we kept the physical stuff to a total minimum. That whole relationship ended rather tragically with him moving out of country to be with his parents after getting into some financial trouble. Suffice it to say at 20 years old I had had my first boyfriend but still never been kissed.
Jumping ahead two years, I met Dave. I didn’t fall for him quite as fast as I did for Norman, but it quickly became a very serious relationship. I’m talking we had a date set, reserved a reception hall, and I bought a dress serious. At this point in my life I was beginning to reevaluate some of my convictions, but we had both decided that we weren’t going to kiss until we were officially engaged. (I know- some of you are in complete shock right now!) Well as God would have it, I ended up calling off the relationship because of some serious concerns my mom, pastors, mentors and friends all had. I have never regretted that decision – it was totally right. Sucked and was so hard, but right.

That was around age 22, and I have basically been single since then. Wow, 5 years – is there something wrong with me? Oh, I’ve liked a couple guys here and there, but they’ve all been either, too young and immature (Brad), too short and had a thing for my best friend (David), not a passionate lover of Jesus (Will) or just plain not interested. Crazy, I know, who wouldn’t just love me? I’m hot! And on top of that I actually have character, great leadership skills, am smart, and really motivated (and obviously self-esteem is not a problem…).

Right now I work in a restaurant, so I have guys hit on me all the time, but seriously, am I really going to waste my time with the winners who write “You’re hot, call me!” on their receipt? I don’t think so.

I live in LA now, and as my friend Eric pointed out when I was moving, there are 4.5 million people in the LA metropolitan area; at least half of them are guys. I was bound to meet someone great out here. As you can tell I wasn’t meeting much of anyone back home. Well, it’s been just over 2 years being out here, and I’m still single. The problem is I don’t want to date someone just to date them – I’ve tried that. It isn’t for me. It may work for some people, but I’m a relationship kind of girl. I’m Rory on Gilmore Girls (no, seriously, I am – the powers that be created a character that is basically me). Combine that with the fact that I really am still committed to doing the right thing and waiting for God’s best, and you have a recipe for perpetual waiting until “he” shows on the scene.

As for the no kissing till engagement, well that’s out the window, but since I have waited this long it seems a shame just to throw it away on just any guy. So I do want my first kiss to be with someone meaningful, because it is special, and God has kept me especially pure for some reason known only to him. However there are days, yesterday was one, when I seriously think “I could just go home put on the hottest outfit I have, go down to a bar and make out with some hot guy”. Low point.

*Note: Some names have been changed 🙂


~ by Shannon on December 7, 2008.

9 Responses to “Here It Is”

  1. Thanks for sharing Shannon! It was entertaining and funny (the writing, not the plight of your love life). Is there more to come?

  2. Oh my gosh Shannon!! I totally remember crying on my birthdays when I was single. Once I got married people would ask if I was upset sad about turning 30, 31…I would say “heck no!!” As long as I had finally met my man and was married I didn’t care how old I got!!

    I remember saying the same things about kissing. Telling people I would wait until my wedding day and them laughing at me. Just as you say, I decided to wait until I was engaged…and then that finally went out the window as well. Oh the journey and emotional roller coaster of waiting for God’s best…all the while try to figure out why on earth he is torturing us!! 😉

    I must say, now that I am married, that I wish I had been able to enjoy my single years more. Instead, I spent them depressed over a break up and pining over where in the heck my husband was. I am so proud to see you following your dreams and living life to its fullest as you walk the path God has for you.

  3. This is officially my new favorite blog. Someday, there will be a movie made that is based off of your life, and I assure you it will be a love story. 🙂 It will be my favorite movie of all time. I admire and respect you sooooo much Shannon. You are truly a spectacular, virtuous, real, “one in a million” girl. Love you!

  4. Love YOU!!!! I’m proud of you for waiting for your first kiss. I do not at all think that waiting to kiss a man until you’re engaged is legalistic or foolish. Of course, only God (and us, though we often need God to show us our hearts since we’re often living in denial or fantasy) knows our hearts. So, if such a standard is birthed out of legalism and is not what God has called you to, then ok, maybe let it fall to the side. However, I would go further than that and challenge people to let God change their heart so that such a desire is birthed from a right heart. I believe such a standard is wise and admirable. I have kissed, and though it’s only been with very few guys (praise God), I know that if you don’t like the guy (and I would say how much better if your kisses are reserved for the man you LOVE and have committed to), then kissing really isn’t that great (at least to me, perhaps there are others who would disagree). Anyway, there is much I could say about my own story. Lol. I know God’s hand is in and on my life and that He wants what’s best for me. I know the same for you, too. It’s nice that we’re not alone in our singleness. = ) Be encouraged and cling to the Father. I am still learning that though the process He takes us through is often painful; it is best. I trust Him. When the day does come that we meet our husbands; it will be glorious! Until then, let’s live it up as the single young ladies that we are! = ) Love you friend and I’m so proud of you. Oh, and one other thing…I like you a lot more than Rory!

  5. So aggrivating. I wrote a LONG reply to this full of wisdom and encouragement and funny-ness. Lol. Oh well…

  6. So I guess both my comments DID download. Lol.

  7. shannon, i love this blog–so glad you started it! 🙂

  8. What a beautiful story – I wish more people would “get” it when they are young and wait and enjoy their life! ❤ I never got it & don't have a beautiful story to tell like you but I do have a different sort of story that you have inspired me to tell 🙂 Thanks for the inspiration & God bless you on your amazing journey. xxx

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