Online Dating

Now we all have our opinions about online dating sites, and if you are still unmarried at 27 you have certainly thought about trying one even if you haven’t actually acted on it. Well I was vehemently opposed to trying them! Seriously, I am NOT that desperate! However, after much prodding from my mom whom I love, I decided to try eHarmony. This was about a year and a half ago, and I basically didn’t tell anyone except my roommate. I was more than slightly mortified because even though I do really want to be married, I am not desperate, and eHarmony was my own internal desperation alarm.

I went through the whole process – and boy is it a process – to meet my first date for an uneventful coffee. He mostly talked about himself, as I am a good question-asker, but didn’t really respond in kind by asking questions to draw me out, and we both left having a so-so time. Strike one.

My next date was a guy who was a bit younger than I would usually go for, and I didn’t really put two and two together until he called me to set up our date and was waiting for his college class to start, and there was so much background noise I could barely hear him. First sign to run.

We agreed to meet at a mall, and then drive together to breakfast because he wanted to surprise me. Second sign to run: when someone you barely know wants to take you out, always make sure you have quick and easy access to your car! Pay for valet parking if you have to; that $15 is soooo worth it! I however was not as wise as I am now and agreed to the meet and drive together plan.

So we meet, and I already know this can’t end well. You know how some people are really photogenic or they manage a picture that makes them look one way, but in real life they are not at all like their picture? Well such was the tragic case here. Now I’m not one of those totally shallow, have to have a model for my boyfriend girls. I do however need to think he is attractive, and this young man just wasn’t. Oh yeah, and he was 22 by the way.

We drive 20 minutes or so to Downtown Disney for breakfast, which goes by fairly well, and I’m proud of myself for making it through when he announces, “I thought we could spend some time walking around and shopping until I have to take you back for work tonight.” Third sign to run. It’s like 11am, and I work at 4. There is NO WAY I am spending 3+ more hours with this guy. I excuse myself to the bathroom where I make a frantic call to my roommate Teresa giving her strict instructions to call me in about 15 minutes with an “emergency” so I can get out of here. Remember, I don’t have my car!!!

As me and college guy step out of the restaurant he grabs my hand to hold. Now, seriously, I just met you! On what planet do you think its ok to hold my hand?! Now I’m really freaked. Fortunately, Teresa being the amazing roommate and friend that she is (I so love you!) promptly calls me needing to be let into the apartment where she has locked her keys. Oh no, I’m so sorry I really have to go! College guy is not real bright here because on this whole conversation with Teresa we are both laughing hysterically, and I really thought I had totally given myself away. But no, though he is visibly sad, we make our way back to his car where he again grabs my hand to hold!! Now I just think he’s creepy.

As we drive that same 20 minutes back to my car he tells me how he grew up in a church that ended up being a cult. OMG, dear Jesus get me out of here! It’s all I can do to say thank you for breakfast, have a nice day (and life for that matter cuz I’m never seeing you again!) and jump into my car where I immediately call Teresa to tell her my tale.

I counted that one for strikes 2 and 3 because it was so bad, and I was out. No more eHarmony for me. One would think that after that whole experience I would have learned my lesson, but no. Three months ago I decided to try another site, again on the recommendation of my mom (I think as good as her intentions are, I need to stop trying her suggestions). So I tried Christian Café this time. It was actually ok. I chatted with some people, went out with one or two, but overall nothing to write home about. I did however get to have some great insights.

For instance, the way this site works is anyone can view your profile and write you, but you do have people they match you with based on your preferences. So right way I have numerous guys emailing me, and I am not kidding, they are old enough to be my father. Like they should be dating my mother not me. What are they thinking?!? Because obviously a pretty young girl like me wants to date someone who could be her dad’s best friend, right? It got so bad that I actually put a disclaimer on my profile saying “If you’re old enough to be my father, go date someone my mother’s age, not me.” Kinda harsh , I know, but something had to be done.

And I don’t know what it is about online dating, but people feel the need to tell you why you might still be single. Take for instance this message I picked up today (my account expires in 3 days and since I haven’t been on in weeks I thought I should at least check it once more before it closes). Here’s a message from Treavor, a do-gooding online dater, and yes that is all his own punctuation.
“You might be ready to get married if you can love God and your husband in front of your ambitions. Sounds like you know what you wAnt . Im not tryn to knock you…. I know all about passion! When you where describing all of your ambitions it reminded me of my life about 2 years ago. I had been striving to make a name for myself as an artist and I finally got my big break and then my whole life fell apart and it just slipped away cuz Gods will was just an after thought. I know that whom the Lord loves He chasens and He did what He had to do to wake me up. I come across 2 types of people on this site…. Those who I believe are surrendered completely to Him and those who simply want God to bless there own agenda for a mate. If this isn’t you, then say amen but if you have ears to hear then hear. Luke 9:23
You are unapproachable to people like me because your ambitions are so clear in your heart that they build walls as high as the sky. Your pretty, intelligent, and a go getter. I pray the Lord can use that.”

Ok, so I consider myself a teachable person and try to look for truth in every criticism, even if I don’t agree with the bulk of it. So I go check my profile to see what I wrote that made him think that. There is only one question about goals and plans. All the others are about what kind of person you’re looking for, your personality, etc. And here is it is:
What are some of your personal goals in life?
So many…where to start. I want to travel to Europe, especially France, Tahiti, Australia, New Zealand, Hawaii, China, Russia. I want to write a book. Own my own fashion company. But only so much as all that fits into God’s destiny for me.

Wow, that’s almost all I can say. Treavor, dear, I think you still need some healing because clearly you are projecting your own situation onto other people!
Once the shock that he could pull all of that from my 4 lines of goals, that clearly end in saying only if that’s part of God’s will, wore off I just started laughing. And thus ends another chapter in the online dating saga.

Now, I know of people who have truly met their soul mate on these sites, so I’m not knocking them entirely. But I’ve come to a conclusion. I am not the type of person to do online dating; it’s not my personality. Therefore the type of guy I’m attracted to probably doesn’t have that personality either (I imagine we will feel the same aversion to online dating), so I need to stop looking for him there.

God can do anything, and I totally believe in divine connections. But for now I’m laying online dating to rest.

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~ by Shannon on December 10, 2008.

4 Responses to “Online Dating”

  1. OMG!! Love it!! That is one thing people who get married at 22 don’t have…stories, stories, stories. Blind dates offer numerous opportunities for laughter as well!! All I know, is you never know how God will bring you your spouse!! Good job on not limiting him! (I tried online dating as well. 🙂

  2. I love you Shannon. I love living life with you, even if we’re doing it in different states, for now. Kymber’s comment had me thinking, “Hmm…have I limited God?” I hate online anything so this can’t be the route God has for me to meet my husband. I admit though, sometimes I wonder…”Where is he? I don’t see him ANYWHERE.” However, since I’m not a big fan of online anything, I figure, no, God wouldn’t have this be the avenue through which I meet my man. And now that one of my best and most trusted friend’s has tried it and advises others not to…I say I’m alright in not trying it. I will, if God leads me to of course, but unless that happens I’m totally cool with not having to go through the saga myself. I found my stories through hearing (and reading) about yours! ; ) Love you friend!

  3. I think we should tell treavor?? that maybe instead of chastening people online he should go back to high school and learn how to correctly use There/their and your/you’re. Then maybe he could find someone who will respond to his crazy messages. HA. also I am glad i could play such a fun and entertaining role in your online dating stories!!!! 🙂 love ya, miss ya……

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