Ignorance Helps With Bliss

So I think that Facebook might be a hazard to my health. How so, you may ask? Well it’s not that it totally distracts me from work (which I find perfectly acceptable) but rather that it informs you at a moments notice when one of your friend’s gets engaged or married. I mean seriously, can I get a break here? You know the saying ignorance is bliss – so true! I’m very nearly perfectly happy in my own little world where I don’t know these things, and I can just assume that everyone is single like me. But then I check my page and low and behold a little red heart pops up to inform me that someone else is engaged. And it’s not that I’m not happy for you Matt, Camelia, Katelyn and Joe – I truly am. But this continual knowledge is tearing away at my blissful ignorance and, I’m afraid, may truly prove hazardous to my emotional well being.

I was talking to my dear friend Laura last week, and she was telling me of a mutual friend, Daniel, who was recently married. And then there’s all the “kids” I was a youth leader and/or babysitter to who’ve gotten married. (Now in all seriousness they are only 4-6 years younger than me, but still!)

I think it was the summer before I moved out to LA where I went to 3 weddings of my youth kids. Now keep in mind that I love all of these people and was truly pleased to be at their weddings. But as I was driving from the ceremony to the reception at the third one, it just really hit me that all of these were kids I babysat for! Talk about another low point – I was sucking up the tears and trying to put on my happy face as I got out of the car and rejoined my friends. (Yeah, I cry pretty easily – it comes with being a passionate person).

So as I’m seeing all these friends and acquaintances who are married, engaged, having kids (which by the way I am in NO hurry for – thankfully!) I’ve kinda become numb to it. I went through my “I hate you for having what I want phase” awhile back, although it does relapse from time to time (um, like yesterday), and now I’m fairly zen. If I start pondering the why I just get all worked up, and no good comes from that – except that blockbuster gets rich as I rent all kinds of sappy love stories to drown my sorrows in. Which is not a course of action I recommend by the way – not only do I end up kicking myself later for the wasted time and money, but I don’t feel any better! I did, however, rectify the spending problem by getting their Netflix-type membership, so now I can get as many movies as I want for a flat rate…what can I say, I’m trying!

All that to say, my dear sweet friends who are married, getting married or expecting – I’m happy for you! Really. If I start balling uncontrollably at your wedding, don’t worry – I’ll be fine. One request, as you in all your joy, overflow with all the details of your happy life, take the hint when we your single friends change the subject. It’s our way of saying “I’m so happy for you, but if I have to hear another word I might loose it on you.”

And my dear Facebook, if you could just lose some of those little heart updates I’d appreciate it…

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~ by Shannon on December 16, 2008.

3 Responses to “Ignorance Helps With Bliss”

  1. Ahhhh….friend….reading this makes me so sad for you. I’m so so sorry you’re hurting. I wish I could take away your pain, but I know I cannot. And I know you’re not looking for anyone to counsel you or give you advice…I’m sorry. Perhaps you need to grieve, if you haven’t already; and if you have, have you embraced the process? I am single, a year older (which means I’ve been waiting a year longer), and I’m one of your best friends…so I hope my saying all this is ok. I’m not implying that you won’t get married, but, the truth is…a dream you’ve had since you were a little girl has yet to be fulfilled. And not only that but it was years ago that you thought it would be; there’s a lot of loss in that dear friend. It’s painful. Feeling the way you do is totally ok; I just wish there were something I could do to ease your pain. There are needs we have that have gone unmet and still are unmet. And, the truth is…our friends who have been in GREAT marriages since their young 20’s…I love you all, but you will never understand the pain a single young woman experiences. I’m not saying a man is meant to fill our needs, certainly he is not and he cannot, but there are needs and longings God put in us that are fulfilled within a covenant marriage. So there is loss and grieving. Dear God, you’d think this is my blog too the way I’m writing on it. Part of that is because I, too, am a bit bored at my temp job now (I’ve asked everyone for work and no one seems to have any). Anyway…last night in one of my meetings someone said…the pain we have in life doesn’t go away (because so often we try to run from our pain or numb/medicate it) no matter what we do, but God can bring peace in the midst of our pain. Our pain is an opportunity to bring us deeper in our relationship with God. I know that when we’re hurting, this doesn’t exactly feel good, but…it is Truth. For whatever reason, you are still single. You’re a beautiful, smart, passionate, deep single young woman. I love knowing you and hearing your heart. Thank you for sharing. I love you…

    • You are such a good and true friend! I was just praying as I was driving the other day and asking God if we could meet our husbands at the same time and go through the process together because it would be just so much better that way!

  2. I would LOVE that!

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